Friday, May 30, 2008 Y 7:58 PM
ONCE AND FOR ALL.Since every single thing , every problems occurs once again . & usually what we say is to " let nature take its course '' , but this type round , no more .
I saw what you all wrote on your blog , and i sense the pain , but i'm not going to do anything anymore because i know i failed in this friendship , i will not try to salvage all this , i will not hate you guys if one day this friendship were to break up.
I seriously had cried a lot ever since the first serious talk at pending that day , liping & yanran will know it . i know who i am in your eyes , and i tried to change , i really do. Maybe till now in your eyes i am still that type of person , i'm sorry , i failed in changing . Nothing will ever be the same after each quarrel . But sometimes people will say if u are willing to accept what others say about you , and be optimistic , everything will turn out to be okay , but sorry i can't.
No matter what happen, you are still my best friend , i won't forget all the fun , all the things we've shared . i won't talk to you the next day after each quarrel because i feel weird , and you know you and me can't sit down and talk things out , we won't do that . And maybe all of us develop this stupid habit of being so zhi jie to each other , perhaps this may be one of the reason of our relationship today. i won't ask for anything , i won't try to salvage anything , because whatever i do is useless .
And to liping , i don't know how much terin and yanran mean to you now. i know i'm not included if you say about best friend. well , i have already tried my best to understand , we are always not in good terms in fact. Be it hate me , dislike me , i'm totally speechless . But i don't always deserve how you treat me when we are after a quarrel . Quarrel takes at least two person to involve , everything takes two hands to clap , so whatever things happen , not only one is at fault , infact is everyone. i decided to leave this group , maybe not sticking with you & yanran , terin , will not create too much troubles . And to yanran , terin , li ping , linsay , everyone who knows me in and out , if you have a bad impression of me , just let it be , because i always turn out to be the bad one , and its really hard to change a person's opinion about yourself.
Since everyone thinks that i don't bother about this friendship ever since i fall in love , i can't change your mindset , i really don't know how to , but seriously i care for every single one of you deep down . I don't show it doesn't mean i don't care . Its four years of friendship , to prevent from anything bad to happen again , i will try my best to leave you guys . i will . i blamed people , i blamed myself too much . Sticking to the guys don't make me feel good everytime , so i will just be alone . i'm tired , everybody is tired . Just talk , lead our own life , and bye.
And if anyone feels that my previous post are talking about you , no i'm not. i am saying about life in general . i am saying about my parents , their life , they work so hard & all this lead them to where they are now. if anybody thinks that i look okay in school or i'm okay . i'm not. Be it they are not close with me , they are still my parents . Who will be happy if their parents committed suicide and left their children in this world as orphans ? who will ? i don't cry in school doesn't mean i don't cry at home and doesn't mean i don't cry when i am outside . i saw someone that resembles them , i start to cry again . How long would it take for the scar to fade away ? in fact parents are the closest to their children , even if its not close physically , In anybody heart , parents are always the most wonderful one. Who will ever understand you ? only you yourself.
TAKECARE!Labels: broken part of life.
Because i know;You'll always be here. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ 
